


At What Cost?

by OurLadyOnTheOtherSide



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cutting, M/M, Near Death, Nygmobblepot, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 17:30:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12846033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurLadyOnTheOtherSide/pseuds/OurLadyOnTheOtherSide
Summary: There are so many people who want to kill him Oswald wonders if it would be better to just do it himself.





	At What Cost?

It’s been weeks since Ed has even seen Oswald. After they had their final meeting and Oswald miraculously let him go, Ed hasn’t dared be back even in that area of Gotham. He sticks to the Narrows, hides behind his acts at the formerly known Cherry’s. He doesn’t let on that he’s actually terrified of what will happen if they see each other again. Will Oswald be merciful? Would they be able to talk things through? Does Ed himself even want that? He isn’t sure. Maybe not, a part of him just wants to kill the Penguin and be done with it. But he can’t do that until he’s back to being the Riddler and so his revenge will have to wait, and in the meantime he’ll continue hiding in the Narrows.

***

Oswald seems to be falling apart. He can feel it in himself. He’d been suspicious about Sofia from the moment he met her but that didn’t change the fact he’d grown to feel a sort of friendship between them. Learning that his suspicions had been right all along stung. It reminded him of how he felt when Ed turned on him. Is he destined to always have friends who wish to do him harm? Is this life of betrayal all there is left for him? Oswald has worked so hard, sacrificed so much of himself, to get to where he is now and he wonders if it was worth it at all.

He’d felt love, something he never thought he’d experience in this life towards a human being that wasn’t his mother. Oswald had felt true love and then he’d let it slip away, his own fault.

Now he sits in his club nursing his second glass of wine and wondering if it was worth the cost. There are so many people who want to kill him, who want to take him down. He contemplates his life going forward. Stay distant, keep his throne for a few more years, be eternally lonely, close himself off emotionally, and then what? What was the purpose for building all of this if he couldn’t share it with someone? The other alternative is to give up everything he’s worked for, but he doesn’t know who he’d be if he did that.

There are so many people who want to kill him Oswald wonders if it would be better to just do it himself.

Because what are the other alternatives? He’s already determined his life will be nothing but bleak, clawing to stay on top, never having anyone he can trust. So it’s either turn himself over to the police and rot in Blackgate or off himself now, deprive his enemies the satisfaction of killing him themselves.

Oswald nods, decided, knocks back the last of his wine and stands up to set the glass down. He looks around at his club one last time, slips the blade out of his cane, and settles back down on the couch. He takes out his phone at a last minute decision and dials.

***

It’s been weeks since Ed has even seen Oswald, so when he gets a phone call from his familiar number he wonders if he should actually answer. In the end he doesn’t risk it. Smart or not, Ed knows that he’d just being answering a call from the devil. What he doesn’t expect though, is the voicemail. Ed’s interest peaks, and he steps outside the noisiness of the club to listen to it.

It starts with laughter, then _“You know, I kind of expected you not to answer. I mean, why would you? After all I’ve put you through, after trying to kill you… if you’d called me I wouldn’t have answered either. But I suppose it’s better that you didn’t. It is unlikely that you would have tried to talk me out of this but… maybe you would have. Who knows?”_

Oswald sniffs, and it becomes clear to Ed that he’s crying. He furrows his brown in confusion, wondering if this is a trick or some sort of trap, and listens to the rest of the message.

_“I just wanted to call to say goodbye. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I love you, Ed. You were the first and only person I have ever loved and it has ruined me. I regret what I did to you… if I hadn’t killed Isabell… Isabella, then I would have been able to at least be near you. As much as it pained my heart that I could not have you for myself I could have at least had you…. I miss you Ed. I miss who you used to be, your brain. It was the most lovely thing about you._

_“I, um, I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m not leaving Gotham, but I… Well you’ll read about it in the papers I guess.”_ The message ends. Ed is left feeling empty, and confused, and conflicted.

And then it clicks in his mind, because smart or not Ed knows what a suicide note sounds like. And he may not know riddles anymore, but he still knows Oswald. Oswald would have never called him, never apologized, never taken all the blame for what happened between them, if he wasn’t planning on being alive to explain himself. So Ed runs. He grabs a fist aid kit from Lee’s office and gets to the Iceberg Lounge as fast as he can hoping that it isn’t too late.

Ed bursts through the doors of the club to find a half conscious Oswald on the couch in the middle of the room. Ed shivers remembering that he used to be the centerpiece atop that platform, but he pushes it from his mind when he sees the blood. He rushes to Oswald’s side, places a hand on his cheek to try and wake him while grabbing a rag from the first aid kit.

“Ed…?” Oswald asks softly.

“I’m here Oswald.” Ed says, putting pressure on the wound, “Stay with me.”

“No… Let me be.” Oswald’s eyes flutter closed again.

“I’m not leaving you Oswald. I’m not letting you die.” Ed states.

He spend the next few minutes trying to get Oswald to stay awake while also trying to stop the bleeding. The cut, thankfully, isn’t that deep. Oswald came close to cutting a vein, too close for Ed to even think about, but the bleeding is easier to stop. Once it does Ed cleans the wound, and the sting of the chemicals seems to jolt Oswald back into consciousness. Ed bandages the wound and then puts his hands on Oswald’s thighs.

“Are you okay?” He asks, not bothering with any accusations because he knows they won’t help.

“Ed, I haven’t been okay for a long time.” Oswald answers, honesty slipping from his lips without regard for consequences, without a filter to tell him that it might be too honest.

“Oswald…” Ed trails off, unsure what to say. He’s been in Oswald’s position before and now that he’s on the other side he knows how hard it is to find the right words.

“I’m not leaving you again.” Ed promises, because he knows that when it was him all he’d wanted was for someone to tell him they’d be there. Maybe that’s what Oswald needs too.

“I ruin everything. If you stay I will surely ruin our friendship once again.” There are tears still streaming down his cheeks.

“You can’t take all the blame for that.” Ed says, “It was both our faults. And it’s in the past now. You need me.”

There’s an unspoken “Just as I need you.”, an echo of words once spoken, that Ed doesn’t dare speak. Mostly because he can’t admit it to himself just yet. Right now, all he knows is that he’s here for Oswald, and he’ll be here for as long as he’s needed.

Oswald breaks down, sobs wracking his body. He can’t get the energy to lift his wounded hand but his other one takes the jacket Ed’s wearing at grips it. “I’m so sorry. For everything.”

“I know.” Ed says, and pulls Oswald into a hug.

And they stay like that until Oswald’s body stops shaking. And then Ed keeps Oswald in his arms until he’s gone to sleep. In the morning Oswald will be in a better state of mind. Ed wonders how their conversation will go. He doesn’t think about it for long, he just struggles to get Oswald into his arms enough that he can carry him up to his bedroom. He sits with Oswald through the night, doesn’t leave his side.

Ed’s here now. And he’s never going to leave. Not again.

**Author's Note:**

> <3


End file.
